ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
