oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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