Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do