I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
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cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD