do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.