Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.