tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
