omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
