Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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