WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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