Ambien. No doubt about it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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