Porn is love you can see.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
