Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
