then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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