I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
