We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
