You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
