took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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