but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
