Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
