That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
