Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
