and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize