i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
