i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
