the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
