my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
