Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
