If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
