Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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