We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
