She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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