peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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