His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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