I love black thongs
okay pat passed out under dana's car
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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