I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
