I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
