i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
