when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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