Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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