quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
