The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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