Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
