a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
