This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
