So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
