just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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