shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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