They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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