And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
