It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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