so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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