it hurts more in the daytime
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
