who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize