i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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