I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
