my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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