I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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