she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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