Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.

Fav 17 3127 962
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(614): View more from Ohio

Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?

Fav 28 6309 1341
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(+32): View more from Belgium

Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.

Fav 55 7434 1816
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(602): View more from Arizona

I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank

Fav 8 6170 690
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(519): View more from Ontario

Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.

Fav 21 6060 1466
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team

Fav 24 1538 5149
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(302): View more from Delaware

didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official

Fav 15 5001 1445
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(803): View more from South Carolina

Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book

Fav 0 205 58
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(804): View more from Virginia

School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign

Fav 0 34 2
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