I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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