my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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