Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
