At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
