So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
