You're so nebulous sometimes
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize