went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
