My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
