just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
