ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I could make wine with my vomit
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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