you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
