I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
