i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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