We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
