8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
