just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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